How do I survive this financial devastation and overwhelming stress?
Family law is inadequate; if he gets what the law indicates, it will not be enough. PERIOD. I’m not buried in debt, thank GOD, but do not earn enough to support my children, this house – OUR LIVES. He will live a great life – with little financial insecurity and responsiblity. I will not and I am not. I feel scared – actually terrified. And, I feel like I have no right to complain. This is my fault.
I am not a fearful person – until now.
I made big money last year – and spent all of it; home remodeling, clothing, big vacations – STUPID STUFF. I never saved a dime. I didn’t plan for this – I didn’t know I’d need the money. I kept kicking the can down the road, denying the need to be financially fiscally responsible.
NOW I’M PAYING THE PRICE – literally.
He texted me, ‘I hope you find a rich man’.
How do I respond to that?
Spending made me feel better….it filled a hole.
I work for myself – so, no work, no pay. Twice in the last four months, I DID NOT pay myself….the money wasn’t there. I’m surviving by a financial thread. My health insurance is through my (soon to be) ex-husband’s work and he’s about to cut me off. My kids are teenagers are have basic needs and grew up in abundance. How do I draw the line? Raising them is more than I can bear financially….I’m too proud to admit it. I’ve never taught them how to really save, how to be thrifty – how to be financially responsible. I feel like I failed them….I did.
I’ve talked about it – but never demonstrated it. Now, I AM IN THE HOLE.
I was in the 1% of wage earners in this country – living the dream and LIVING THE LIE.
I’m on the brink of financial ruin. No one knows. It’s a charade. My net worth is laughable and not liquid. In the next year, I will I will need joint surgery and time to recover – but I can’t. I have no one to support me and cannot take the time off work and I cannot afford it. I am in a horrible position and I have one to blame but myself.
- How do I afford health insurance?
- How do I stay in my home, in my neighborhood – keep my kids lives stable?
- How do I pay my bills?
- How do I keep my head above water?
- How do I stay in the game and not run and hide?
I’M A FRAUD….and the tab is due.
How do I fully address this lie – this charade – hold my head high and survive?
I want to run and hide….but I can’t. That’s not me.