I woke up in tears…

I woke up in tears.  It was a morning dream….really vivid.

I was trying to move in to a new home or apartment? Boxes filled a narrow hallway; the hallway itself was the dimension of the box so moving the boxes in and out was a narrow fit – snug. I could only push through one is at a time…it was very tedious work.

Someone was helping me in the other end of the hallway, but I couldn’t see who…the boxes blocked my view but I knew someone there. I was both frustrated and relieved with the amount of help.

But even with the help, I felt like it was all on me.

PRESSURE.

Someone was supposed to help hook up appliances, but it was taking too long. They were busy – I was impatient.

I was gritting my teeth. My jaw ached.

In my dream, my daughter was small, maybe two – just potty trained. She was on my side and asked to go to the bathroom.  She was excited and proud to use the potty. She ran to the bathroom located off of her bedroom and tripped on the way.  I helped her up and got her situated. No tears, thank god!  She was giggling and acting silly.

I looked in her closet and evaluated the STUFF; the choices.

  • What is an absolute keepsake?
  • What goes to good will?
  • What is trash?
  • How could a 2 year old be a hoarder?!
  • I sighed with exasperation…eat the elephant one bite at a time.

I looked in the mirror and saw an awful rash on my face; my strongest physical attribute.  Red blotches covered my skin like an irritating disease. I’d never seen anything like this before. I looked like shit…simple as that.

I was dressed in frumpy clothes, nothing form fitting or flattering. My hair was a rats nest… An unkept mess. I was too busy to put myself together…just not on my list of priorities.

I looked ugly; blotchy, frumpy, disheveled.

My husband wanted to work out, so we went to the gym, kids in tow.  Both children small and needing my help.

As we entered the building I decided, I don’t want to work out. I don’t want to sweat.  My face always sweats first and it felt irritated with my blotchy rash.  I was tired and needed to watch the kids.

I told him I didn’t want to work out…

He went on with out me.

The kids and I stayed behind.” And watched him walk away.

I woke up in tears.

Namaste,

Kirby

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