It’s been a long time since my last post – almost 2.5 years to be exact! And, I can truthfully say the deconstruction continued…I’ve been sleeping….a long, numbing hibernation.
My advice: Be the buffalo and face the storm.
Most creatures are programmed to avoid pain and discomfort. When a storm is coming, for example, cows run away from it. The problem with that is – cows aren’t very fast runners. Therefore the choice to run makes the storm (or the healing) last longer (and harder).
What buffalo do on the other hand is very unique for the animal kingdom. Buffalo wait for the clouds and chaos to reveal and turn and charge directly into it (the storm). By running directly into the storm they run straight through it. They feel it, perhaps with more intensity, but in the end, they minimize the amount of pain and time and frustration they experience from that storm.
Divorce is one of the biggest storms you’ll face.
The journey through the storm of divorce, abandonment, rejection and loss is a long hard road but one that must be faced head-on. There are no shortcuts, no ways around facing all the fear and devastation. Healing will not happen if you don’t face into the pain and forge forward.
To be clear, forging forward sometimes means pulling off the road to healing and indulging: crying your eyes out, having a first class pity party. It may mean sleeping around, spending too much money, stalking your ex, overeating or starving yourself, or sleeping 18 hours a day (not healthy but understandable behaviors). For me, it (was and is) the latter. I’m a world-class, olympic napper! It’s my great escape and perfect way to sedate and insulate myself from my pain.
Eventually, we must all wake up and move on.
Each day, I reconcile the loss and on-going journey I must experience. My son went to college last summer and my daughter leaves for college this fall. I will, in the most raw and real way, be an EMPTY NESTER. To add insult to injury, I feel cheated. This was supposed to be the time of my life, with my Ex.
20+ years ago, I married a man with two young children I helped raise. We didn’t have those ‘honeymoon’ years together. We started our life as full-time parents with the promise and shared vision that ‘when the kids are grown and out’ we’ll get to the ‘honeymoon’ list of things to experience together.
Now, he’s checking off that honeymoon list…with another woman (his new fiancé…yes, the other woman). It just hurts.
So, knowing the inevitability of my single, empty-nester status, I’ve recently rolled up my emotional sleeves and gotten back to living. I woke up and said ‘c’mon bootstraps’ let’s do this.
‘Do this’ means simple consistent behaviors, with intention. So whats the plan?…
- First — I’m seeing a spiritual healer. It’s a mystic approach to facing my pain but to be honest, I am exactly where I need to be. I got here by my own doing and I have more power to exert. My inner warrior has been dormant. My spirit has been sleeping. My soul hasn’t sung in soooooo long. It’s time to face my demons, clean my emotional and spiritual house, own my story and live the best life I can and deserve.
My healer’s name is Kathy Carter. (Kathy D Carter / Spiritual Healer – Reiki). She is literally breathing away my stuck-ness and purging my wounds with love, grace, with quasi-traditional therapy, help from her spirit guides and Reiki. Sometimes it feels like voo-doo…but I’m more open than skeptical.
I’m open because I’ve BEEN THERE DONE THAT with traditional therapy. ENOUGH! As Shonda Rhimes said in her book, this is my Year Of Yes! Time to open up and say YES to my life, the messages and messengers.
I know in my heart the universe provides gifts, messages and opportunities to me every day. It’s my duty to acknowledge these MOMENTS and seize them. I’ve said before, FUCK FEAR…well, FUCK sleeping too. It’s time to rise and shine.
- Second — and I’ve said it before, keep meditating! I strongly recommend Oprah/Deepak Chopra Guided Meditation 21-day series. Yes, my mind goes crazy with monkey chatter! Of course, I sometimes fall asleep! But I ALWAYS get a nugget of wisdom that feeds my soul; sometimes it’s validation, sometimes new information and mostly it’s verification of what I already know and believe. They are both cherished and gifted teachers and the cost is a small price to pay….although they offer free series several times a year.
- Third — love yourself. This is a hard one. Kathy Carter has me looking in the mirror every day and saying ‘I love you’ with the most sincerity I can muster. This doesn’t sound hard but it is! I haven’t loved myself enough. My journey has been tough on me…and I’ve been tough on me. I don’t allow myself to just ‘BE’. I chide myself for being lazy and unproductive. This serves no purpose…in fact, it’s the most harmful thing to do. If I don’t love me – TRULY LOVE ME…who else will? How can I show my children love and honor themselves if I don’t do it for me.
While this is a solitary journey, and you may feel along (because your friends and family are OVER IT), you’re not alone. Reach into your soul, your higher, wiser self it there waiting to say HELLO – welcome back, welcome home… I love you so much and I’ve been here for you all along.
The soul-speak may be God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, Universe, eternal energy….which ever works for you. It’s all the same…a sacred space of truth, harmony, unconditional love and support for you and your dreams….for me and my dreams.
So YES – let’s do this…..