Life Isn’t Fair – Get The Fuck Over It!

What is FAIR anyway?  Every person views FAIR through their own life experience – their subjective view of reality; therefore FAIR is SUBJECTIVE. Some people believe Fox News reports Fairly and Accurately – other’s believe Fox is a Right Winged Political Instrument – a puppet and Rupert Murdock is the Puppet Master.

Who knows what’s really FAIR?  NO ONE!

It’s not FAIR he left me and the kids, abandoned us, after 20 years of marriage. It’s not FAIR he hasn’t spent more than 100 minutes with his kids since his exodus. It’s not FAIR that he cheated so many times and I’ve been FAITHFUL for 20 years.  It’s not FAIR that he promised me we’d grow old together – and actually SEE the light at the end of the parenting tunnel.  It’s not FAIR that I am pressured to completely change our lifestyle and priorities at this stage in the life journey.  It’s not FAIR that he has NO accountability as a parent, no schedule, no obligations and NO PRESSURE to manage/nurture the day to day scholastic, emotional, physical, spiritual, nutritional, social and monetary needs of our teenagers. It’s not FAIR that he can run his life and his business without childcare considerations – who’s going to watch our kids?!

What the FUCK!?!?!

Our house is breaking down; the lawn is dying, the irrigation system is leaking, the AC unit needs to be replaced, the front door lock is broken and falling off, the sink is clogged, the toilet is running and our Magnolia Tree is dying….IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR!

Ironically, he thinks having to pay our mortgage (four months after his clunky departure) and utilities, isn’t fair.

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His lawyer sent a draft dissolution agreement in July that simply WASN’T FAIR.  It excluded any mention of college and our children’s extracurricular activities.  The child support allowance was, below-the-poverty-line and laughable.  The proposal was reckless.  My attorney categorized it like this:

“If this is the divorce agreement – it’s your worst day in court.”

I randomly googled – What is FAIR?

As in previous posts, I was struck between the eyes – THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES – This article from Psychology Today popped up FIRST.

Continue reading “Life Isn’t Fair – Get The Fuck Over It!”

Online Dating – Expect the Unexpected

For years, my husband begged me to go out with him on Friday and Saturday nights.  I resisted; either too tired or didn’t like ‘his’ crowd.  I’m not much of a drinker and they are heavy weights – sitting on the sideline sober having meaningless conversation is not my idea of fun. So – my husband went out alone, often. He came home very late, often.  He was off the radar, often. Who’s to blame.  It really doesn’t matter now.

To date or not to date….?

In an effort to keep myself busy and get positive feedback from men about myself, I joined Match.com.  OMG, what an adventure.  This is totally new for me as I’ve been OFF THE MARKET for 20 years and COMPLETELY FAITHFUL!

All the winks, like and favorites got my head spinning!  Some of it is fun and most downright scary!  My single girlfriends have the ‘match-thing’ down to a science, with articles, notes and all.  Am I too old for this?

Two crazy things happened that were great lessons for me…

1) my husband responded to my profile and

2) I fell in love in three days (well not really but my heart fluttered…)

Continue reading “Online Dating – Expect the Unexpected”

Blogging About Divorce – The Legal Gamble

Understandably, my attorney is concerned blogging about my journey may hurt me or my divorce case.  Blogging may pose a risk to my divorce case. She’s right. Can I be careful and authentic at the same time? YES! I am committed to keeping my accounts in my blog – about the journey; my feelings, experiences and enlightenment throughout the way. This journey is beyond painful….but I must take each step each day.  I must breathe and I must share.  Reaching out is cathartic and necessary.  I COULD NOT DO THIS ALONE!
Everyone thinks I am so successful and strong – I can handle anything.  I built a strong image, a fačade and this is a side of me I’ve never revealed.  It’s okay to be emotional, vulnerable, raw.  The world accepts me and my flaws.  My friends SHOWED UP, support and love me.  I am AMAZED and open every day to the newness of this journey.  Thank you for reading…this is my response to my dear attorney’s concerns. BTW I’m blessed to have her represent me. 🙂

To Blog or Not To Blog…

Thank you for your concern and counsel. As a public relations professional, I have considered your concerns carefully and completely agree with the risks associated with putting myself and my journey out there.  I’ve been journaling for the last two months and know I need to do this…for me and for others in my shoes.

Continue reading “Blogging About Divorce – The Legal Gamble”