Ten months of lawyers, letters, texts and threats.
Ten months of dreams, nightmares, grief and reckoning…trying to find a solution to an unsolvable problem….how to divide our estate – what is EQUITABLE? Mediation, cooperation, negotiation, calculation, contemplation, anticipation – culminating in 6 hours of divorce court/trial and tens of thousands in legal fees – AND BOTH OF US LEFT LOSERS. Except the lawyers.
I promised myself I’d keep it all business, not extraneous or chatty. My lawyer conversations would be on point, mission driven, efficient – I’d always be prepared and strategic. What a joke.
When Jessica, my lawyer, walked into the courtroom with her legal eagle and intern in tow, wheeling a dolly of boxes labeled ‘discovery’ from the last year of my case – I knew I failed miserably. I knew those boxes were filled with thousand of pages equaling thousands of dollars – that would never be in my pocket.
When it was over, I thought I’d feel relief – that’s what everyone promised me! But I didn’t. I just felt despair, deep loss and more grief. Divorce is a long marathon, a roller coaster ride – filled with injuries and unexpected turns. Just when you thought you reached the apex, screamed your lungs out – went to the depth of the coaster at warp speed and lost your breath and perhaps consciousness as a result – you realize the ride is just beginning. There are no 12 steps to this process – or five stages of grief. There are thousands of steps, turns, dips and leaps – all coming at you without notice. The journey is unyielding and unmerciful.