There Are NO Coincidences – Incoming Divine Moments (Part 1)

There are NO COINCIDENCES!

Everything happens for a reason. I’ve chronicled these ‘divine moments’ in an effort to honor them – and me.  My world showed up for me – and I’m fully available to it all.  I hope these accounts inspire you to tune in, be still, open up and reach out.

My mother-in-law – to answer or not to answer, what a dilemma!

After 20 years of marriage I can truly say, my mother-in-law hasn’t liked me for 19 of the years.  She’s the ultimate ‘church lady’.  Stout, white hair, piercing blue eyes, reads the bible daily and quotes scripture like a grocery list. She can talk about anything and is positioned as the ‘spiritual leader’ of the family.

I’ve seen her dark side. I know her to be judgmental, snarky, close-minded and cold. I’ve struggled for many years to live in the warm place in her heart – the place she shows nearly everyone else. I could never wiggle in.  She shut me out – and I did the same.  For every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction – we were a dysfunction law of physics – and neither had the will or love to change the dance.

I NEVER answered whenever our caller ID indicated her number.

I’m not into small talk and she rarely showed interest in me or my life.  She liked to talk, and I didn’t want to listen. Her biblical platitudes wore me out…so I shut her out.

The night I received the text – I want to separate – from my husband, I was home alone. My kids, on a mission trip….my husband, somewhere over the Atlantic texting his intentions from 30K feet. I was in an emotional puddled; confused, scared and alone. OMG – after 20 years, my husband was leaving me!

P A N I C!!!

Continue reading “There Are NO Coincidences – Incoming Divine Moments (Part 1)”

The Pain of Separation Seems Insurmountable – 10 Steps to Survive

Thursday, July 29, 2015

I didn’t get out of bed on Monday (fitbit said I walked less than 400 steps – bathroom breaks).  Not a great way to start the week.  I needed a mental health day and I work for myself – so I could take it. Curtains drawn, covers over my head, jammies on – 18 hours of sleep.

I had NO motivation at all.  Just exhausted.  It’s amazing how your emotional state can impact your physical self.

Depression just sucks

According to Radar Online (perhaps not the most reliable source), Robin Williams was sleeping 18 hours a day before he committed suicide. I believe it. I don’t know how people get through such deep depression and agony from separation, but they do; all the time. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in six months feeling better.

I’m eight weeks into this ‘experience’.  (I’ve decided not to call it a nightmare any more – the negative language must go and ‘experience’ is benign enough.) For 8 weeks I’ve walked around like a zombie; crying, reading, sleeping, meditating, going to therapy, praying and sending S.O.S signals to my wonderful support group of friends via texts, emails and phone calls.

I’ve learned valuable lessons about shock, grief and coping with the agony of separation, abandonment and rejection.  This is an emotional earthquake of epic proportion. Maybe my journey can help you…

Continue reading “The Pain of Separation Seems Insurmountable – 10 Steps to Survive”